Because there’s nothing to see (this time)

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?”

Spoken by Mrs. Allonby in Act I of Oscar Wilde’s play A Woman of No Importance (1893).

Notes from 20XX, September[XX]

Subject:  How does it go from there, there, to there then, there and then there?

Sill wondering what‘ll happen to the letters?

What a day¹—where to begin? Slept in after waking early, turned off all the alarms that came between the in and the early, which as you’d expect threw up misses, missed kisses—I wish I’d picked a better Friday. I didn’t know it was till it ended (not ended, ended) [but] only the first [TEXT UNKNOWN] part—busy, really good, eventually—the inadvertent fucking lay lay-in in—not really a lay-in, more a second sleep, deep enough to be almost painful. That was the start. The falsity of waking first, doesn’t make it an error—wrong as fuck it was though. Made up for it though—lots done (in theory) in a respect—shall I tell you a story, or something else? A riff? Synopsis? How about a synopsis of a riff, and wing the rest of it? I really gotta pick a word. First a drink? Espolonpompelmo? Cup o’tea (it’s breakfast somewhere?) a fucking melon cholia?  How about interrogate? Why not [interro]door (doesn’t every conversation begin with questions making something open), [interro]swings (which won’t demand a thing and move in both directions, permit retreat? (it’s a very particular permission without commitment (or red flushed reminder on the cheek))) [interro]flap is good [as far as tiny questions you ask [when] not brave enough to ask real ones, mebs—it’s the conversational equivalent of peeking (don’t you think?)] but yeah. They open both ways—so we may need something with locks (and questions preventing entry, or close instead of open) how dare I? —bullshit—closed²—or indisposed[?] (an elegant way declaring not currently configured? Or simply not ‘in any state’ for receiving (the one which cannot be reached through questions), not locking [then], not answering—of course the distinction matters: locks say, no, indispositions say, not now).

It’s almost funny.

—JustD

¹ obvs a question
² these are the questions with nowhere to go—the questions that arrive after the door’s been shut.

Eli Lotar, Germaine Krull, about 1930